It was your ordinary whirlwind romance so basically my partner and I met, quite serendipitously, at the end of 2015. Months went by as we did not speak, but we both remained relentlessly fixated on one another. We spent the summer of 2016 reconnecting and went on our first official date, and the rest, I still remember our first one.
We purchased our first house together and got married by early 2019, for me it was the endless laughter and unconditional love for each other. This was a first for us, young adults with disposable income we were happy. Our free time was so realistic, so naturally we indulged in romantic dinners, mini vacations, and sleep-ins during the weekends and tried to find the best out of ourselves
Sometimes I reminisce about the early days filled with love, I whereas now find myself lying in bed, sandwiched between our toddler and 6 month old, while my husband snores away on the couch. The reason? He wakes us up for work at the crack of dawn. Dinner has turned into a competitive sport where we make shifts to hold the baby while cleaning up milk off the floor dividing the responsibility. These days, spontaneous vacations have been crossed off the list and replaced with running errands instead, because out-of-stock coffee now qualifies as a household emergency and that’s true for us.
Certainly, we wouldn’t exchange it for anything else, but there’s a reason this phase of life is referred to as ‘the trenches, countless moments. Our sphere of constant unity burst a long time ago. At times, our lives seem like two distinct bubbles, circling one another yet never combining, consuming most of our energy into one another holding chores.
I can’t recall who invented ‘the date rule.’ It started as a joke soon after the birth of our eldest child we became too busy. We entrusted her to my mom for the first time so we could complete a brief, ordinary task that would have been unfeasible with a baby since the time was too short to spend with each other. It was the first occasion we had spent alone together since bringing her home, so we chose to act as if we were on a date, exploring each other’s interest loving each other.
We joined our hands in the vehicle we could not stay away from each other. We played our favorite songs. Phones were not permitted, and discussions about our children were prohibited. When we got back home, we felt thrilled with joy from our taken moments together as we just got into a relationship. We sensed that we had outsmarted the system. From that moment onward, whenever we found ourselves alone together side by side, we established a rule that we were instantly on a date to cherish the good times we used to have. Regardless of what we were engaging in no matter what we needed to regard it as a special event. We clasped hands as we entered the hardware store. We shared a kiss in the parking lot of the gas station, physical touch is as important as sharing the important aspects of life.
We took the time to inquire about each other’s emotions, assess our mental well-being, and generate ideas to enhance our support for one another, important aspect where we lacked. However, there were no phones allowed and discussing the children was not initiated.
When our second child arrived, we changed the rule, regardless of having one or two kids with us, if they were napping or engaged in something else, it was still considered a date. Any unbroken time spent together was valuable time with one another, making moments memorable as everything was fine and fresh.
A cherished recent memory of mine is when I was expecting our second child and we entrusted our toddler to my mom while we went to purchase a car. The salesman proposed, ‘How about we finalize the deal so you both can continue with your day without any further disturbance? I’m certain there are more enjoyable activities for you guys.
My husband wrapped his arm around me and said, ‘In fact, we’re on a date at this moment we live in the moment so we’re enjoying ourselves a lot.
Although this concept seemed groundbreaking to us back then, I have come to understand that it is not. In the early days of our relationship, when simply being together felt enchanting, which was a constant change, we instinctively merged the boundaries between romance and ‘real life.’
We clasped hands in the vehicle while doing chores. We cuddled on the couch as we settled our bills to ensure smooth execution of chores. We shared our aspirations and nightmares as we cleaned the dishes knowing we’re here for each other.
At that moment, we didn’t understand that these instances, romantic acts were the basis of our relationship. That one day, when the tides of early parenting separated us somehow we managed to be together, instances like these would reunite us.
Reference: https://www.lovewhatmatters.com/marriage-advice-after-kids/
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