Behind every little heartbeat is a mother praying and struggling day and night. This is the story of a mother who cried through pain, syringe-fed through stitches, and stood firm through heartbreak. This is not just an ordinary story but the story of a mother’s faith, resilience, and unshakable love.
BEHIND EVERY STRONG CHILD IS A MOTHER WHO FOUGHT SILENT BATTLES, SHED HIDDEN TEARS, AND STILL FOUND THE STRENGTH TO SMILE.
Hmm…
When I had Rayyan, I couldn’t breastfeed my baby for two whole weeks after I had him via CS.
They never bring him to my side, he was admitted immediately at the children’s center.
My little boy was still being treated for jaundice at Oregie Ajeromi Ifelodun General Hospital.
I used to watch other mothers go to breastfeed their babies, but my case was just different
Even with the pain from my CS scar, I would sit down, pump out breast milk into his baby small cup, and use a syringe to feed my son.
I constantly fed him with syringe from my injection pack.
And no matter how much I tried to feed him before our ward’s scheduled feeding time, he would vomit everything.
None of the doctors or nurses could figure out why he was always vomiting.
As a strong mum who still have hope, One day, a doctor was making her rounds.
I rushed to meet her and explained everything.
How hard it was for me to hand-express breast milk and still use a syringe to feed him.
Hand expressing breast milk still con add join again.
The doctor asked if I had a mucus extractor in my hospital bag. I said yes and gave it to her.
She carried Rayyan and gently inserted it into his mouth.
My people, the amount of idris(dirties) that came out from my baby’s throat ehn!
Not knowing this was what blocked his throat and made him not to suckle.
His voice even changed that day, it became clearer. Even the way he cried was clearer too.
I missed Rayyan mode of crying then
so unique and different from other babies sotey other mums identified him whenever he his crying, message will be passed to me in Pre-Natal building to come attend to him.
Rayyan was light, big, bold, handsome, pregnant mummies that do come greet new moms will be asking
My response- I had him exactly 10months
On Monday exactly 10am.
That same evening, he sucked directly from the breast for the first time. I cried tears of joy.
It was like heavy stone shifted from my chest 
This same boy who was born weighing 4.5kg had dropped to 3-point-something kg during those moments due to lack of breast milk even though i do give him lactogen baby milk too.
But my son is a fighter. A real survivor!
Hmm the jaundice part!
They do covered their eyes with a green cover that has eyes shape and laid him in a blue-light box.
they only allowed Just Pampers on him, no clothes at all.
They also gave him expensive antibiotics every three or five days and he received IV drips.
I cried so much beside his little cot.
Ahh because i thought my son would be beside my bed in our ward.
The following evening after operation I started routine of going to meet my son upstairs, nurse no wan gree me go but I told them carry me come hospital if not for this baby sake?
I cried because it felt like the journey would never end.
I always cried a lot, days I go call my dad on phone and will be crying Daddy mi oti sumi!
I’m tired
I don’t want this kind of life
How will I be in the hospital for almost a month uhhn?
I even get uniforms, even to breastfeed my son in his ward, I must wear this hospital uniform go with my knee length hijab as a means of identification ni.
By Allah I do peep through hospital window just have a look of how outside world is, how motors and cars still look.
I craved of going outside but no freedom to.
Freedom is what again?
Only in the hospital you’ll know the real meaning of idamu and Freedom!
We had to hide our catheters, wrapping them with wrapper under our hospital gowns. I had just two hospital gowns that I wore for a whole month
And after all that, after we were finally discharged, I came home to face another storm, marital crisis.
When Rayyan was just two months and a few days old, I was divorced with physical assault. That was my own reward 
!
I received no pampering
Na divorce be my own pampering
Me and my baby, we saw it all.
But today, I’m grateful óò! Alhamdulillah
I should be over-pampering this boy called Rayyan, if not for the fact that I’m a Nigerian-African mama haha.
He deserves it all. He is sweet, strong, and full of life.
It’s not easy at all.
Hospital life—hmm!
May I never experience it again in that way
Ya Allah, bless me with the kind of birth I can come home peacefully the next day with my baby in my arms, no stress, no complications.
May Allah turn all our pain to eternal joy. May He grant ease to every mother, protect our children, and reward us with Aljannah for all our struggles. May every TTC woman be blessed with righteous and healthy children. May all pregnant women deliver safely and in peace.
End of Rant
Pen 
-D Elders Pikin(I am still who I am)