She was days away from announcing her pregnancy- until she found her miscarriage alone at home, holding her tiny baby, her entire world in her hand. Despite the grief, a mother shares a message of trust, healing, and home for all the mothers suffering out there!
I was hoping to announce my pregnancy soon. But sadly, I lost the baby. I was 8 weeks pregnant. We saw a strong heart beat at our ultrasound just two days before I miscarried.
I was home with Zia alone when it happened. I had been bleeding heavier that night so even though I wanted to believe otherwise, part of me knew I would pass the baby soon…
I held it in my palm…So tiny. I saw its little eyes forming, its limbs were growing too. I sobbed. Zia looked confused and maybe scared to see me like that, but I held her, or more like she held me…
I’m grateful it happened sooner than later. I believe my body is healthy and knew what it was doing, my baby most likely wasn’t developing correctly and my body knew.
Still, even though I trust and believe I will have healthy pregnancies that bring healthy babies, there is grief for this loss.
I cry randomly. I think I’m fine, and then out of nowhere just cry. Once an image of God and Mary holding my baby came to me and I sobbed…but it also brought me peace. 
This little soul will always be… and when I return to just spirit, I will get to be with both the little souls I have lost in miscarriage. My first miscarriage was in 2018.
I will hold my healthy baby girl close, she brings so much comfort and joy. How blessed I am to have her. This week, we had so many laughs and silly play and it brought joy, but it felt more intense and beautiful in light of the loss. There is beauty in the pain. I found myself crying softly through out the day out of nowhere and I let it come, the waves of emotion are all part of it.
I am Trusting God’s path for our family.
To all Mamas who have miscarried, I send you so much love. Trust in your path. Trust in your body. Trust in God. In the Universe. In the Divine. There is a bigger plan and it’s our job to trust and find love and joy through it all. That’s what I will strive to do, even as I process this loss.
Sending you all Love. And your heavenly babies too